Navigating Christmas: Tips and tricks for Neurodiverse folks
Christmas is fast approaching, and as I write this, it's coming up so quickly that I've just had to panic-buy Christmas cards for my family. Even though this is an annual task and I'm currently surrounded by reminders, my brain just wasn’t able to compute that it was something I needed to do this year.
However, this blog post isn’t just to share my to-do list before the big day.
Christmas is a time of year that we are constantly told is the most magical, joyful time. We are inundated with this message through streaming services filled with jolly romantic Christmas movies, adverts showing us the perfect gifts and peoples joyful reactions, and shop windows full of twinkly lights and shiny new objects. All these have a common theme of happy endings and magic, combined with an image of a stress-free Christmas experience.
Yes, for some, that may be the reality, and that’s amazing. But for many, Christmas is a stressful time period that is hard to navigate. There seems to be so many expectations and pressures put on Christmas and the festive season. It’s almost sold to us that if we do all these things, it somehow guarantees us this amazing magical Christmas experience. However, for many, the reality is a little different.
For many neurodiverse folks, especially, the Christmas period is difficult to navigate. Though parts are enjoyable, it is often exhausting and stressful, combined with an increased pressure and need to please people. I wanted to share a few tips and tricks I have used or learned over the years that may help you advocate a little for yourself. Sometimes, with all the busyness and expectations, it’s easy for your voice to get lost.
1. Presents: There’s an expectation to buy for so many people and to give them something that they want, that will make them happy, and is also a surprise. Well, I don’t know about you, but that’s enough pressure if I were just buying one gift, let alone multiple. Remember, we are not psychic, and if gift-giving is hard, there is no shame in asking people what they want. If they say they don’t know and reply with phrases such as, "Just get me a surprise," "Oh sure, whatever you get I will love," or "Don’t worry about me, I don’t need anything," (but you’re now wondering and stressing if they mean it or not), it can be tough.
Often, just explaining that you’re stuck, have no idea what to buy, or describing how difficult or stressful you find it and that you really want to get something they want, so could they give you a list? I find most people are absolutely fine with that. This way, it’s still a surprise, as they don’t know what they are getting from the list, but the stress is reduced because you know what to buy and you know it’s something they want or need.
Another thing I do, especially with friends, is to say no gifts, just cards. Cards are always optional (personally, I love a good card), and we just arrange to do something together instead. This could be a ‘treat activity’ or just having something enjoyable what ever that may be for you booked in the diary to look forward to, and no, I don’t generally book these events in December.
2. Gifts for You:
Do you struggle with the element of surprise and the expectations that come with it? You don't want to let anyone down or appear ungrateful, but honestly, you hate the whole gift-giving experience. Here are some things you can do:
Create a List: Write your own list or an Amazon Wishlist, and make it clear that people should stick to the list.
Self-Gifting: Get given a budget or money and buy your own gifts. You can then give the gifts back to be wrapped and opened on Christmas Day if you prefer.
Opt-Out: Say no to gifts altogether. Maybe you’d rather have people buy you things when you need them throughout the year. Not wanting gifts doesn’t stop others from enjoying giving to each other.
Private Opening: Open your gifts in private. Personally, I hate opening presents in front of people because of the pressure to react in a certain way. I often say I can’t open them until Christmas Day.
Gift Bags: Ask for gifts to be in gift bags, not wrapped. That way, it’s easy to sneak a peek, and the gifts are no longer a surprise because you know what you’re getting.
3. Navigating Your Way Through Christmas Day: Often, families have their own traditions, making the day predictable in terms of routine, though not always in terms of emotions. Schedule or plan to have time by yourself. For example, could you have a few half-hour slots throughout the day to ground yourself? This could be in your room or outside. If you have a family that struggles to understand, explain in advance why that time is important and that it will allow you to enjoy the day more (this can also reduce the worry around leaving the room since you pre-warned them). Have set arrival and leaving times that can be communicated to other people; most people like to know what time they are leaving. Can you drive yourself rather than sharing a car (as my car is one of my safe spaces)?
4. Dress Code: Wear what’s comfortable. Some families dress up, while others spend the day in PJs. What’s important is that you are comfortable. Remember, they make a Christmas version of everything nowadays, so no one can say you’re not festive.
There are so many other small things that can help navigate this season, but as always, they are individual to each person and their situation. But I have rambled on long enough already.
My biggest advice is if you’re scared to advocate for yourself due to possible rejection (trust me, I can relate), decide what’s most important. Talk to someone and explain why. You'll likely find that it’s not a big deal and they want to help—they just didn’t know you found it difficult, as many of us are expert maskers. The win you feel when you successfully make one accommodation often gives you the drive to make more. Just remember to stop and celebrate those small wins!
But enough about me—what other tips and tricks do you use at Christmas to help manage the festive period?